:::2004-01-04-11:44 p.m.:::
I want to love. Intensely. Deeply. Yung tipong talagang iiyakan ko every night. Yung tipong as in madedepress ako. Yung tipong masasabi ko sa sarili kong, "Shit, eto na yun..." kasi puro infatuation lang yung nararamdaman ko dati.
Siyempre, gusto ko rin mahalin. Pero bonus na yun.
Basta. Gusto ko lang makaramdam. Kasi pakiramdam ko, at this point, mababaw pa ang lahat...
~posted October 6, 2003
Isa lang masasabi ko.
Shit, eto na yun...
:::2004-01-04-11:11 p.m.::: I now keep a *crude* calendar posted on my cabinet door. I list there things to be thankful for. Hmm. Jan1, Turkey Dinner [which meant turkey lunch. But it sounds so much better with Turkey Dinner]. Jan2, Zaza's Debut, I was dancing with my class again! Jan3, went to starbucks and exchanged jokes with my cousins. Jan4... hmmm... today... oh yeah. I finished the research for my mother. Yay! I should be finishing my story but I can't seem to think of a nice ending. Hmp. Will be enrolling tomorrow. Hohum.
:::2004-01-03-4:21 p.m.::: » Believe in SOULMATES? Here's what GOD has to say about it. =) « Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone. To have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But to a Christian, God says no. Not until you're satisfied and fulfilled and content, unreservedly to me alone. I do love you my child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me, exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to bring it to you. You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction of knowing that I am. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait. Don't be anxious. Don't worry. Don't look around at the things that others have gotten or that I've given them. Don't look around at the things that you think you want. Just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you'll miss what I want to show you. And when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any would ever dream of. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready, until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have planned for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and is thus perfect love. I am working even this minute, to have both of you ready at the same time. And dear child, I want you to have the most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your own relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection that I offer you with Myself. KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU. I AM ALMIGHTY GOD. BELIEVE AND BE SATISFIED. -courtesy of the online newsletter from here Kuya, promise yan ha. ü I'll be waiting.
:::2004-01-03-11:49 a.m.::: My friend's debut last night was a BLAST! I'll post pictures when I receive it from my friend's digicam. Hehe. As usual, I arrived later than the assigned departure time. Good thing my friends did not show their resentment/disappointment/unhappiness/anger too much. Agh. What else... a. I'm currently reading Sandman: Book of Dreams. Very very VERY interesting book, especially if you like Sandman. Hmmm... new year was good and great, I hope the next year will be too. I wanna go out... watch a movie... or something... Spent the better half of the morning 1) sleeping and 2) organizing my planner for iv-5's birthdays. And exchanging insults with my brother. And looking for my EAF. And now I just want to sleep or go out. Eagh.
:::2004-01-01-10:31 p.m.::: I'm still wondering what the hell I did wrong in the customizing because the entries are centered. Anyway... The wonderful, wonderful layout was made by kit. Thank you thank you thank you! *huggles* Lyrics in the image are from Barbie's Cradle's Idlip. Very beautiful song. I don't know, beer tastes better tonight. Pardon me. I shall welcome the new year with cheese. I hate nights like this. It makes me think of things I'd rather forget. Or things I don't want to think about. It brings back memories of another cold night like this... Only, you were right here beside me or else embracing me with such willingness and joy. Or when you held my hand when we were in bed, or when you looked at me suddenly and sand. Or when, just in simple conversation, you looked into my eyes. As if searching for the love you know I bear for you. But it means such simple things for you, while for me it's the very reason why I still smile even when your love for her is painfully evident. Even when your desire for her love is about to come true. You are the reason wht I continue to listen to both of you when it tears me up inside. Even when I'm called an idiot by majority of my friends. You're the first one I loved. You're the first one I've given my heart to. Your smile, no matter how distant the memory, can make me feel blessed, loved. And you smile alone is what propels me to remain in this insanity. What I would give just to see you smile and be happy. On cold nights like this I remember your warmth. I remember you. I think of the chances of you being mine and think, hey, maybe everything's all right with the world. Because you see me. On cold nights like this, I remember you. I miss you. So much. Words can never explain. I miss you so much. I wonder what you will say when we meet each other again. I wonder if nothing has changed, or everything has changed, considering all that has happened since we last met, and all the things I have learned since. I miss you. I miss your warmth, the bittersweet knowledge that you are right here beside me. Really, I can live with the thought that you can never be mine, as long as you see me, and know that always, always I'll be wanting your joy first before mine. I have come to love you much more than myself, and truly, that's saying soemthing. You're the first one I have loved this much. And you tell that you don't deserve this love. Maybe you do, maybe you don't. All I know is that the higher powers have given you to me. You are my gift, my angel. Loving you has been and always will be wonderful. And when I see you again, I'll be able to look you in the eye and say hi, without any trace of shame. Because deep in my heart, I have already accepted that you are never going to be mine. It's better this way, because I can never give you the same happiness she is giving you. I have accpeted this fate, and I am glad to be blessed with it. Because I knnow that by being near you, I will know if you are happy or not. The best I can hope for, my love, is your embrace of gratitude when everuthing again is all right. I love you, always will.
![[<<] [>>]:::2004-01-04-11:11 p.m.::: I now keep a *crude* calendar posted on my cabinet door. I list there things to be thankful for.Hmm. Jan1, Turkey Dinner [which meant turkey lunch. But it sounds so much better with Turkey Dinner]. Jan2, Zaza's Debut, I was dancing with my class again! Jan3, went to starbucks and exchanged jokes with my cousins. Jan4... hmmm... today... oh yeah. I finished the research for my mother. Yay!I should be finishing my story but I can't seem to think of a nice ending. Hmp.Will be enrolling tomorrow. Hohum. [<<] [>>]:::2004-01-03-4:21 p.m.::: » Believe in SOULMATES? Here's what GOD has to say about it. =) «Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone. To have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But to a Christian, God says no. Not until you're satisfied and fulfilled and content, unreservedly to me alone. I do love you my child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me, exclusive of any other desires or longings.I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to bring it to you. You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction of knowing that I am. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait. Don't be anxious. Don't worry. Don't look around at the things that others have gotten or that I've given them. Don't look around at the things that you think you want. Just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you'll miss what I want to show you.And when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any would ever dream of. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready, until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have planned for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and is thus perfect love. I am working even this minute, to have both of you ready at the same time. And dear child, I want you to have the most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your own relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection that I offer you with Myself.KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU. I AM ALMIGHTY GOD.BELIEVE AND BE SATISFIED.-courtesy of the online newsletter from hereKuya, promise yan ha. ü I'll be waiting. [<<] [>>]:::2004-01-03-11:49 a.m.::: My friend's debut last night was a BLAST!I'll post pictures when I receive it from my friend's digicam. Hehe.As usual, I arrived later than the assigned departure time. Good thing my friends did not show their resentment/disappointment/unhappiness/anger too much. Agh.What else... a. I'm currently reading Sandman: Book of Dreams. Very very VERY interesting book, especially if you like Sandman.Hmmm... new year was good and great, I hope the next year will be too. I wanna go out... watch a movie... or something...Spent the better half of the morning 1) sleeping and 2) organizing my planner for iv-5's birthdays. And exchanging insults with my brother. And looking for my EAF.And now I just want to sleep or go out. Eagh. [<<] [>>]:::2004-01-01-10:31 p.m.::: I'm still wondering what the hell I did wrong in the customizing because the entries are centered. Anyway...The wonderful, wonderful layout was made by kit. Thank you thank you thank you! *huggles*Lyrics in the image are from Barbie's Cradle's Idlip. Very beautiful song.I don't know, beer tastes better tonight.Pardon me. I shall welcome the new year with cheese.I hate nights like this. It makes me think of things I'd rather forget. Or things I don't want to think about. It brings back memories of another cold night like this... Only, you were right here beside me or else embracing me with such willingness and joy. Or when you held my hand when we were in bed, or when you looked at me suddenly and sand. Or when, just in simple conversation, you looked into my eyes. As if searching for the love you know I bear for you. But it means such simple things for you, while for me it's the very reason why I still smile even when your love for her is painfully evident. Even when your desire for her love is about to come true. You are the reason wht I continue to listen to both of you when it tears me up inside. Even when I'm called an idiot by majority of my friends. You're the first one I loved. You're the first one I've given my heart to. Your smile, no matter how distant the memory, can make me feel blessed, loved. And you smile alone is what propels me to remain in this insanity. What I would give just to see you smile and be happy. On cold nights like this I remember your warmth. I remember you. I think of the chances of you being mine and think, hey, maybe everything's all right with the world. Because you see me. On cold nights like this, I remember you. I miss you. So much. Words can never explain.I miss you so much. I wonder what you will say when we meet each other again. I wonder if nothing has changed, or everything has changed, considering all that has happened since we last met, and all the things I have learned since. I miss you. I miss your warmth, the bittersweet knowledge that you are right here beside me. Really, I can live with the thought that you can never be mine, as long as you see me, and know that always, always I'll be wanting your joy first before mine. I have come to love you much more than myself, and truly, that's saying soemthing. You're the first one I have loved this much. And you tell that you don't deserve this love. Maybe you do, maybe you don't. All I know is that the higher powers have given you to me. You are my gift, my angel. Loving you has been and always will be wonderful. And when I see you again, I'll be able to look you in the eye and say hi, without any trace of shame. Because deep in my heart, I have already accepted that you are never going to be mine. It's better this way, because I can never give you the same happiness she is giving you. I have accpeted this fate, and I am glad to be blessed with it. Because I knnow that by being near you, I will know if you are happy or not. The best I can hope for, my love, is your embrace of gratitude when everuthing again is all right. I love you, always will. [<<] [>>]](http://www.boomspeed.com/yottie/blinkie.gif){kind=link}